


Proof of Being Alive

by Shinocchi



Series: Silent Redemption [1]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 03:58:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koujaku wasn't sure if he made the right decision by allowing Noiz into his life;<br/>Noiz wasn't sure if he was doing things out of impulse;<br/>They weren't sure if they should allow things to continue the way they are progressing.</p><p>But, at the end of the day, they realized that no explanation was needed at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Proof of Being Alive

**Author's Note:**

> The events in this fic take place after Ren's GE route. I've started writing this since two months ago but it took me quite some time to properly finish it up because these two are such precious babies to me and I wanted to write them well. 
> 
> Thank you [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13/pseuds/fio13) for proofreading this fic for me ;w; and thank you Syn for burning your eyes reading the unbeta-ed version.

As always, it was awkward. The whole situation was awkward. Koujaku pressed a towel soaked with warm water on Noiz's blood-smeared back. The towel sucked up the red liquid immediately, leaving only scars of deep wounds on the otherwise smooth back.

"Oi, are you okay?" 

Koujaku gently nudged Noiz's back with his hand when he realized he had been quiet for too long. 

"I’m still alive,” Noiz murmured.

"Tch, I thought you finally died." 

"Not before you."

Koujaku clicked his tongue and pressed the towel against his back roughly this time, expecting him to at least flinch in pain. But it did not come. Noiz merely stared blankly into space, not making a single movement in response to Koujaku's rough treatment. He continued rubbing the blood and stains off his back, replaced the now dirty towel with a new, clean one, and turned him over to face him so that he could clean his front. 

"Look at the mess you got yourself into. If Aoba didn’t nag me about it, I wouldn't bother to even look at you," Koujaku complained as he started rubbing on Noiz's front chest.

Again, Noiz did not move. Then, he said lazily, "You didn’t have to come."

"What?"

"I said, you didn’t have to come."

  

* * *

 

A month had passed since the Platinum Jail incident, and things had been taking a turn for the better.

It was a joyous period for many. Celebrations took place almost every day. People were cheering. They were happy.

But not everyone appreciated the changes. Some wanted the old days back, those days when Rhyme was still a big hit; days when they could still _feel_ the excitement of venturing into one's inner thoughts.

Noiz woke up to a monotone pitch black surrounding of his room. His sleeping patterns were irregular, so he always found himself waking up at odd hours. It didn't matter to him. As long as he didn't miss a Rhyme battle, he was fine with any lifestyle that would suit him.

This time, it was slightly past midnight when he headed out of his apartment, strolling through back alleys, looking for something he could do to kill time. The disappearance of Usui did not only take away his job, but his motivations as well. He didn't have anything else to look out for, nor did he have anything else to look forward to. He felt like an aimless corpse, wandering around and waiting for the day to pass. That was why when he bumped into a group of Lib members in one of the back alleys, he didn't bother to fight back when one of them pushed him against the cold brick wall, threatening to break his hand.

It was obvious that they wanted revenge and they attempted to humiliate him. But it didn't matter. They could do whatever they wanted with him. At least there would be something happening today.

"Hey, where did that cheeky face disappear to?"

One of the Lib members who was slightly taller than Noiz stepped in front of him and grabbed his chin brusquely, forcing Noiz to look him in the eye.

"Any last words?"

Noiz eyed him lazily, then sneered.

That was the trigger. The next thing he knew, he was surrounded by five Lib members, punches raining down at him at rapid speed. He couldn’t feel anything except the pressure on his skin. He had gotten used to this. Eventually, he shut his eyes, until he felt wetness on his sides.

 

Tch. Treating it would be bothersome.

 

The blows stopped after a while. He lay sprawled on the concrete, listening idly to the humiliating jeers and raucous laughter until it all faded into the distance. It took him a while to finally pull himself up from the floor and sit, leaning against the wall. He glanced down to look at his sides and saw a splash of red dampening his shirt. Clicking his tongue, he stood up, occasionally leaning against the wall as support as he headed towards the road.

 

*** 

 

He didn’t even know how but when he came back to his senses, Noiz found himself in a club. The voice calling out to him barely registered to him until a hand grasped at his shoulder. He turned around and saw a furious-looking Aoba, a concerned-looking Ren, and Koujaku, who looked more confused than anything else. Aoba couldn’t tear his eyes away from the deep-red stain covering almost half of Noiz’s shirt. He could barely register Aoba’s angry yelling from all the noise around them. All he could see was Aoba looking over at Koujaku, before the latter shot him an irritated expression; the next thing he knew, the hairdresser was motioning him to leave before he seized him by the arm and attempted to drag him off the dance floor.

He felt his vision getting blurry, and he sensed his strength leaving him, his hearing slowly fading away. He didn’t even have the strength to push the older man away, though Noiz could feel him trying hard to be as gentle as he could as he dragged him along the street. They were leaving a trail of blood behind them, and Noiz heard loud complaints around him but he was too out of it to care, feeling himself at the verge of passing out. Before he could make sense of what was happening to him, his consciousness faded into darkness.

 

***

 

Noiz woke up to the pitch blackness of the room again, but this time, it was _different_. His shirt was gone but his upper torso was covered in a thick layer of bandages. He tried to move his head but the slightest movement immediately made his world spin. Noiz tried moving his arms a few times, but upon realizing he no longer had control over them, he abandoned his attempts. Blinking, he realized that he definitely wasn’t in his own apartment. He was used to the dark, but still there was something different about the atmosphere of the room he was currently in.

“Oh, you’re still alive.”

Noiz’s alertness increased immediately as he felt a new presence in the room. He was only able to glare sideways at the approaching shadow, but when the owner stepped into the dim moonlight pouring in through the window, a smirk appeared across his face.

“I won’t die before you.”

His voice was barely audible but he was sure the older man heard him, because the latter sent him an unsatisfied glare before sitting beside him, his lips turned into a scowl.

Koujaku, too, was shirtless. It seemed to Noiz that he had just got out of the shower. The older man had nothing on but a towel wrapped around his waist, and Noiz could see the drops of water dripping from the tips of his still-damp hair. Noiz’s gaze was fixed on the outline of Koujaku’s body, which was even more visible now that he moved closer to the window.

“Trust me, I wouldn’t bring you here if Aoba didn’t insist on it,” Koujaku complained as he shifted closer to take a better look at Noiz’s wounds.

Noiz started to retort that he wouldn’t be here either if he had a choice, but he found his voice trapped in his throat.

“Two broken ribs and a broken arm. I seriously wonder how you even managed to survive till today.”

Noiz looked away with an uninterested expression. He felt Koujaku’s eyes on him for a few moments, but the glare disappeared when he felt slight pressure on his side as Koujaku inspected his wound.  

“It’s not bleeding anymore. I give you some credit for not being a crybaby after having to go through all that pain.” There was a faint mocking tone in Koujaku’s voice, but Noiz merely looked away and closed his eyes, pretending he heard nothing.

“Tch, you should really do something about that attitude.”

Noiz felt Koujaku leave his side but he remained motionless. He heard the sound of his footsteps leaving the room and then the door closing. Assuming Koujaku got tired of dealing with him, Noiz drifted to sleep.

He left the place early in the morning once he could finally move. As he started remembering his and Koujaku’s strange interaction from last night, he suddenly felt a completely foreign sensation that he couldn’t define, but he decided to ignore it. He walked out of the house and onto the street, without leaving any notes.

 

* * *

 

It had been three days since Koujaku last saw Noiz. His disappearance three days ago had worried him for a little while, especially since he knew that Noiz wasn’t in the best condition to be moving around. He knew that if he went to find him now he would probably earn another round of nagging from Aoba about why he’d let him leave in the first place. However, it had been bugging him for a while now, and the brat constantly being at the forefront of his thoughts annoyed him greatly. The memory of Noiz covered in blood from head to toe was still vivid in his mind, and he occasionally recalled the brat’s deep scars, the images flashing through his head every so often. At the end of the day, he decided it was simply a normal reaction for one to be unable to forget something so horrible once they saw it. He had almost convinced himself to forget about the whole thing until he ran into Noiz again few days later. Noiz had never approached him so willingly before, and the sight of the brat bloodied up again refreshed his memories of that night, shaking him to the core.

Noiz was sitting casually in front of Koujaku’s doorstep, the blood oozing from the wound on his ankle and staining the steps leading to Koujaku’s front door. He didn’t look up when he heard Koujaku’s footsteps. Staring mindlessly into space, the young man idly wiped the blood from the cut on his cheek, reacting only when Koujaku stood right in his line of sight.

“Yo,” Noiz raised a bloody hand and waved at Koujaku.

Koujaku scowled at the greeting, but his expression changed quickly and transformed into a painful cringe as Noiz attempted to stand up but almost toppled over, his leg probably seriously sprained. He lunged forward and grabbed his collar, pulling him so close that their faces were merely inches apart. The tension crackling between them froze the air around them. Koujaku breathed irritably into his face as Noiz looked into his eyes carelessly.

The silence between them stretched out awkwardly. After what felt like eternity, Koujaku clicked his tongue and released Noiz from his grip, making him stumble. Somehow managing to stop himself from falling down onto his doorstep, he looked at Koujaku, lips curving into a small smile.

“What the fuck happened to you?!”

Koujaku was unable to comprehend his own anger. It was just the brat. The brat had nothing to do with him. It was none of his concern, no matter what happened to him.

“Rough night,” Noiz answered vaguely as he spat blood from his mouth.

Koujaku’s glare deepened. He turned his back to Noiz and started walking up the staircase to his front door, only to be stopped as Noiz pulled at the hem of his kimono.

“Hey, are you leaving me out here?”

“I don’t know why you’re here but I have no business with you. Leave,” Koujaku’s reply was cold. He knew he should’ve kicked that hand away but the fact that he did not do it troubled him. Noiz shakily stepped closer and continued to cling to him, darkening Koujaku’s already red kimono with blood.

“Aoba said to take care of me, remember?” There was a hint of teasing in his tone, which pissed Koujaku off even more. “What will he say if you leave me here, with my injuries unattended?" 

Koujaku did not move. He still refused to look Noiz in the eyes. 

“I could die, you know? I don’t know how serious these wounds are, but I think they are pretty bad, because I can’t feel my leg, and I can’t move my hand either.” 

Everything Noiz said sounded like a threat to Koujaku. But when he described his own condition, Koujaku realized it was almost impossible to leave him unattended. It definitely seemed like he was right. Noiz’s condition looked severe. He could die. Koujaku was also certain that Noiz did not have anyone else who could look after him. So in other words, if Koujaku didn’t take care of Noiz himself… 

Koujaku pulled Noiz’s uninjured hand over his shoulder and stomped into his apartment. He threw the younger man on the bed and rushed into the bathroom, coming back a few minutes later with bandages, a first-aid kit, and a pail of warm water in his hands. 

“Strip.” 

“Heh, impatient old man.” 

“Shut up. Take off your clothes now before I have to do it for you.” 

Noiz raised his eyebrows, eyeing Koujaku as his lips curved upwards slightly. 

“Try me.” 

Koujaku was already shaking with anger. He tossed everything that was in his hands aside and grabbed Noiz’s shoulder with such an overwhelming strength that Noiz could almost feel his bone crushing. He could feel his wrath clearly. He was expecting a punch of some sort, but it never came. Koujaku merely stared angrily into his eyes. He grabbed his neck and proceeded to forcefully remove his clothes, throwing it aside and scowling at his naked torso instead. Koujaku couldn’t even see the younger man’s torso properly. All he could see was a landscape of red, the blood still fresh and glistening wetly in the dim light. 

“Like what you see?” 

Noiz purposefully dragged his fingers across his chest, smearing them with blood and held his hand out that was now dripping with his liquid so the older man could see it. Koujaku scowled deeper and seized Noiz’s wrist instead, pulling it aside and grasping Noiz’s jaw to make him look him in the eye.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing? Do you find pleasure in pain? Did you do this to yourself?”

Koujaku’s fury was starting to confuse Noiz. He knew that Koujaku could be pretty hot-tempered and unreasonable, but this was the first time he had seen him rage in such an overwhelming way. He might as well have started fearing for his own life. But to be honest, his life was not his main concern; Even though he assumed it was supposed to be at the bottom of his list, he was way more interested with the way Koujaku got so astoundingly mad at him.

When Noiz didn’t respond, he released him unceremoniously, grabbing the towel soaked in the warm pail of water, and starting to briskly wipe off the red stains on his body. The wounds became more apparent when the red stains started fading away. Koujaku’s assumption was right. There were severe wounds that, if left unattended, would probably end up becoming fatal, possibly killing him. He clicked his tongue annoyingly, scowl deepening when he saw that the water in the pail was completely red now. 

Koujaku treated Noiz’s wounds in silence, occasionally going back to the bathroom to replace now dirty water from the pail with a new, clean one. Noiz looked at him with confusion on his face when Koujaku finally wrapped the final piece of bandage around his chest. Koujaku’s frown softened when he saw Noiz’s expression, which held more emotion than he had ever seen on him.

“You are surprisingly loyal,” Noiz muttered.

“What?”

“You could've just left me alone. But because of Aoba, you are doing something that you would regret for the rest of your life, am I right?”

Koujaku took a few seconds to connect the dots, his anger slowly vanishing. He knew the brat had no common sense, and his logic this time confused him as usual.

“Hmmm,” Noiz was still pondering as he lay down on the hairdresser’s bed and fiddled restlessly with his neatly folded blanket. Koujaku couldn’t understand his own actions either. Maybe the brat was right. But as he dove deeper into his thoughts, he realized he would have still taken the brat in even without Aoba having to tell him to. The brat was cheeky, annoying, and extremely troubling, but he did not deserve death. He was too young for that.

When Koujaku returned from his thoughts, Noiz was already sleeping soundly, wrapped in his blanket, his peaceful-looking features accompanied by his shallow breathing. He looked so… calm and relaxed. Koujaku never knew that the brat could make this kind of expression – an expression so vulnerable yet attractive at the same time. It suddenly occurred to Koujaku that Noiz was still a child after all, a brat who was inexperienced with life, with people, and he probably didn’t even know himself.

Koujaku had never been worried about anyone else but Aoba before. But now, with Ren being a huge part of Aoba’s life, the fact that he wouldn’t need to take care of Aoba as much as he used to was starting to sink into him. He was even surprised to realize that Noiz was almost constantly on his mind now, slowly but surely taking over Aoba’s place.

Koujaku walked into the bathroom and undressed with intention to shake unnecessary thoughts off his mind. It had been a tiring night, not to mention that his kimono was now smeared with Noiz’s blood stains. When he stepped out of the bathroom, feeling like he finally grasped control of himself, the view that greeted him when he entered the room took that control away from him again.

Noiz was lying sprawled on the bed, the blanket he had been covered with now kicked to the side and his face buried in the pillow. His body was completely clean, and Koujaku could now clearly see the outline of his gorgeous, lean frame. The brat did not have the muscular build like Koujaku did – which all women naturally admired - but Koujaku could still make out the slender curves beneath the blanket. The older man scrutinized him for a brief moment, then he sat beside him as he reached out to take a cigarette from the bedside table. When Koujaku lighted his cigarette and smoke started spreading across the room, Noiz peered at him through half-lidded eyes, giving him an unsatisfied grunt and rolling sideways.

It took another few minutes for Noiz to finally lose his tolerance towards the pungent smell and begin to clamber out of bed, casting his eyes around for his clothes, only to be stopped by Koujaku, who informed him that he’d tossed his soiled clothing into the washing machine. Noiz gave Koujaku a displeased look and fell back onto the bed, wrapping the blanket back around himself again before dozing back off to sleep.

The choking scent of smoke woke Noiz up early in the morning. Koujaku caught him before he managed to sneak out, making him promise to come back again so that he could treat his wounds if he managed to get injured again. Noiz never responded to that request, but deep down, Koujaku somehow knew that he would be back, because at that moment, he realized that Noiz was too lost to take care of himself.

 

* * *

 

Koujaku had started to find Noiz sitting on his front doorstep regularly after that, flinching every time he noticed new cuts and bruises on parts of the brat’s skin. He also cringed at the fact that he actually started to feel _relieved_ seeing Noiz with no new serious injuries. This had slowly become their routine. On the occasions Noiz didn’t show up at his doorstep, Koujaku would become frustrated and he would end up in front of Noiz’s apartment instead.

This situation has been ongoing for almost a month. The irritation Koujaku had felt when he had first tended to Noiz’s wounds started to fade away. Although he still thought of Noiz as a shitty brat, their meet-ups became habitual, and Koujaku started to adapt to this “new” lifestyle. There were also times when Koujaku would lose all contact with Noiz, only to find him heavily wounded few days later, lying bloodied on his neatly maintained porch.

Recently, Noiz’s traces had disappeared completely. Upon realizing that he could no longer focus on his work, Koujaku left his hair salon a bit earlier than usual and strolled through the streets. Half of his heart wanted to go home immediately, in case Noiz had unexpectedly showed up today. But another half told him that there was no point to come back home yet, because he would only return to find an empty porch once again. So instead, he walked mindlessly along the street, waved to a few acquaintances, and turning to delve into deeper regions of the district that he hadn’t had the chance to explore yet.

He was about to check out a few new alleys when the sounds of people fighting and arguing grabbed his attention. He headed straight to the source of the noise and froze upon seeing the sight of a group of five surrounding a single man, who had his back pushed roughly against the brick wall. It was a face Koujaku couldn’t forget even if he wanted to. That uninterested gaze gave him away, though it also acted as a trigger for his assailants to begin raining punches upon him. Koujaku realized that was in fact a small Lib team that used to create a bad name for the entire Lib community in Midorijima during the old days. He thought they had dissolved after the Platinum Jail incident, but apparently, he was wrong. Koujaku ran up to them, halting their offensive as he grabbed the wrist of the man who appeared to be the leader of the group. The moment they saw Koujaku, they all froze, their attacks stopping almost instantly.

“What are you all doing here? Picking on fallen warriors?”

Koujaku’s intention to make it sound like a joke failed badly as the Lib members started trembling, backing away from both Koujaku and Noiz at the same time.

“W-We didn’t do anything! The brat started the fight! He was the one who picked on us!”

Koujaku shot a quick sideway glare at Noiz before returning his stern gaze to the group of shivering Lib members. His reputation as the leader of the strongest Lib team did its job, saving him the time and energy needed to clear things up in the fastest way possible.

 “Leave.”

The Lib members scurried away meekly, leaving both Koujaku and Noiz alone in the dark back alley.

“What have you gotten yourself into this time?” Koujaku walked up to Noiz, who was leaning against the wall, blood trailing down a small cut on his forehead.

“…..It’s none of your business,” Noiz looked away, attempting to leave as Koujaku grabbed his shoulder.

“Hands off,” Noiz frowned, weakly trying to shake the hand off.

Koujaku would’ve gladly stayed out of the brat’s business, but then, he realized that the brat was _limping_. By now, he had treated Noiz quite a few times, but this was the first time he’d seen the younger man limp. Instantly, Koujaku knew that these injuries would be no better than any of the other times he’d tended to his wounds. With no intention to listen to whatever Noiz had to say, he seized one of his arms, hoisted it over his shoulder despite his protests, and dragged him back to his house.

Noiz was thrown unceremoniously on the bed the moment they set their foot in the older man’s room. Koujaku towered over him as he directed him a sharp stare so wrathful Noiz felt the temperature around them increase at an alarming rate.

“What do you want?” Noiz’s usual smirk was nowhere to be seen. No matter how little common sense he had, he could at least tell that the older man was filled with so much anger that there was no room for him to fool around this time.

“Did you bring those fights upon yourself?”

Noiz’s ignorance intensified Koujaku’s rage, and he lunged forward, grabbing a handful of Noiz’s collar and pulling him close.

“Why are you doing this?! Do you really find pleasure in pain?! Has no one ever taught you how to appreciate your own life?!”

Koujaku was shouting in his face, his voice so loud Noiz felt his eardrums vibrating.

“It’s none of your business. I don’t care if I die or not, so I don’t find a reason for you to be worried about what I do with my own body,” Noiz replied flatly with a cold stare.

The next thing happened so fast Noiz didn’t have the time to respond. All he felt was a heavy pressure hitting his left cheek and then he was thrown off the bed, back hitting the wall of the room. Koujaku has finally lost it, his self-control past its limit.

Noiz took a few second to finally understand the situation he was in. A small smirk spread across his face as he stood up, using a pile of boxes beside him as a support. Koujaku breathed unevenly as he continued glaring at Noiz. Noiz balanced himself and immediately launched a punch at Koujaku’s abdomen, which Koujaku ducked skillfully and immediately sent a hit of his own at Noiz’s back with his elbow. The impact sent Noiz to the floor, but his response was fast. He quickly turned around and dodged another punch Koujaku aimed at his chest. Koujaku was faster though as his next attack hit him squarely on the jaw before Noiz had the time to move away. He felt the taste of his own blood in his mouth and spitting it out on Koujaku’s face, he tried to stand up but tensed when he realized that he couldn’t move his body at all. He could only watch as Koujaku furiously wiped the blood from his face and shot him a fiery glare before walking slowly towards him.

Noiz laughed dryly as he let his body fall backwards, feeling his back hit the floor with a loud thump. Koujaku’s scowl softened the moment he saw him fall, and as he eyed Noiz suspiciously, he hurried towards him, stopping at his side and giving him a light push.

“Oi, what’s wrong with you?”

Noiz took a while to respond. “Can’t move,” he said as he tried sitting up, using his elbow as support.

Koujaku placed his hand on Noiz’s back and slowly supported his back as he pushed the younger man into a sitting position. Noiz managed to regain his body control slowly, though he still didn’t know what had happened to him. Koujaku placed him on the bed and went into the bathroom, coming back minutes later with the same items he used every time he would attend Noiz’s wounds.

Noiz took off his shirt readily and threw it aside, seeing the usual frown deepening on Koujaku’s face. He had fewer wounds than usual this time, but Koujaku suspected that he might also have some internal injury which had potentially caused him to have difficulty moving just now. Noiz looked at him unflinchingly when Koujaku pressed the warm towel onto Noiz’s chest. Koujaku had to admit that his lack of response towards pain was starting to become a worrying issue for him, but he wasn’t sure how to approach Noiz about it, so he decided to remain quiet.

“Now, I don’t care what you are doing outside and how you get these injuries. But you need to learn how to appreciate your own life. No one is going to do this for you. It has to be you,” Koujaku said with a sharp tone. He wasn’t even sure why he was telling him this. “You are still a brat. You’ve got a long road ahead of you. Stop doing careless things that will endanger your life.”

“If I stop doing it, then there won’t be any more reason for me to come back here,” Noiz’s voice sounded like a whisper.

“What?”

Koujaku’s hand stopped in an attempt to digest what Noiz had just said. He didn’t get it at first. His statement was too ambiguous. He sent Noiz a confused stare, which made Noiz avert his gaze from him.

“You mean…..” Koujaku gulped. He could be wrong, but still, he needed to make sure.

“You mean, you did all that so that you could come back here?”

Noiz remained silent, but his silence was all it took for Koujaku to get his answer.

Koujaku felt his heartbeat increase. He always thought that the brat did all those absurd things simply because he had nothing better to do. It had never occurred to him that Noiz could be such a reckless brat to the extent that he was willing to hurt himself just so he could see... _him_.

Koujaku swallowed. He couldn’t’ see Noiz’s face properly because he was looking away from him, but the brat looked surprisingly calm after saying such a blatant thing. Instead, Koujaku felt humiliated with the fact that he getting so… flustered about it. His mind was racing in such a fast pace that all his rational thoughts were becoming incoherent. Feeling his heart taking over his brain, he pulled Noiz into his arms, causing Noiz’s breath to hitch in surprise.

“Idiot,” Koujaku murmured into Noiz’s hair.

“First you call me a brat, and now you call me an idiot,” Noiz complained.

Koujaku felt Noiz tremble in his arms as he pulled him closer, then it occurred to him that perhaps this was the first time Noiz had ever been in such a close contact with anyone else. Noiz always had these tall walls built around him, so when Koujaku caught a glimpse of emotion on his face the last time he came here, he was both surprised and relieved.

“Why are you doing this?” Noiz asked with an uncomfortable tone.

“Doing what?”

“Holding me like this." 

Koujaku couldn’t help but smile. This was something new. It had never occurred to him before, but at this moment, he found Noiz extremely _cute_ , like a curious child questioning every single thing. 

“What do you get out of this?” Noiz was still questioning Koujaku’s motives, but his question made Koujaku feel slightly sad. It pricked his heart knowing that Noiz had been living a life in which he had constantly satisfied others so that he could get something in return from them.

“Before I answer that, let me ask you. What do you get out of hurting yourself every few days and coming over here? What do you expect me to give you in return?”

Noiz fell silent, but Koujaku knew he was thinking hard. When Noiz took too long to answer, he released him and grabbed his hands instead, getting surprised as he realized how cold Noiz’s hands were. He never paid attention to these details before, despite him treating Noiz’s injuries for quite some time now. He took Noiz’s hands firmly in his own, feeling them becoming warmer by the second thanks to his own body warmth.

“What are you doing?” Noiz asked as he stared at their joined hands.

“You see, I am transferring some warmth to you. I won’t benefit anything by doing so, and I won’t lose anything either. My body warmth will regenerate, but by doing this, I can make you feel warmer.”

Noiz raised his eyebrows, trying to digest what Koujaku was trying to tell him.

“Another thing you need to learn is that, sometimes we do things because we want to, not because we want to gain something from others. Like now,” Koujaku ended his speech, gripping Noiz’s hands harder.

Noiz stared at their hands for a few moments, and then he nodded, signifying that he understood what Koujaku was trying to tell him.  

They stayed like this for a few minutes before Noiz pulled his hands away from Koujaku, staring at him with a blank look.

“I can’t feel pain.”

“Huh?”

“I can’t feel pain. I couldn’t feel it ever since I was born,” Noiz repeated. “And because of this, my parents saw me as a monster. I was locked in a room for as long as I could remember, until I ran away from home.”

Koujaku gaped at Noiz. This was the first time he had ever heard Noiz talking about himself and he certainly never expected it to be something like this.

“I got into Rhyme when I came here because that was where I could at least feel something close to pain, even if it wasn’t real.”

Noiz’s confession was short, but it was all Koujaku needed to hear to envelop him in his arms and hold him close. _Ahh, so the coldness makes sense now,_ Koujaku thought. Perhaps the brat’s unusual body temperature was due to his specific condition. 

Noiz buried his head deeper into Koujaku’s chest.

“Will you show me how it feels like to truly live? You said sometimes people do things because they want to, but I never know how,” Noiz muttered into his chest. “Will you show me?”

Koujaku felt a swell of pain in his chest instantly. _This brat_. He cupped Noiz’s face and looked into his eyes.

“I will show you what I can show,” he breathed deeply. “I’m not too confident myself because I’m not really the perfect person to –“

“I don’t care,” Noiz interrupted. “I only want you.”

 

That was all it took for Koujaku to lose his self-control for the second time that night. He grabbed Noiz and pulled him into a kiss, feeling Noiz’s lips tremble as Koujaku aggressively pressed his lips against his own. At first, he was merely brushing their lips together, then he started licking Noiz’s lips before he bit on his bottom one experimentally. Noiz shuddered at the sudden pressure, grip tightening as he held onto Koujaku’s shoulders for support.

When Koujaku plunged his tongue into Noiz’s mouth, tangling it with his, Noiz pulled his obi loose, feeling Koujaku’s kimono draping down and making it land on the bed while Koujaku worked on taking off Noiz’s pants. When they were both stripped, Noiz moved to the center of Koujaku’s bed and lied down as Koujaku crawled on top of him and stared at his face, which was now filled with complicated emotion that Koujaku had never seen before. He wanted to dive his tongue back into Noiz’s mouth but Noiz pushed him away.

“What is it?” Koujaku asked, confused.

“Are you sure you are okay with this?” There was a hint of uncertainty in Noiz’s voice.

Koujaku sensed the fear in Noiz upon hearing this. He understood where he was coming from. It was the fact that Noiz had not been this close to anyone else before that was making him feel extremely insecure about the progress of their relationship. He responded by planting a gentle yet firm kiss on Noiz’s forehead.

“This is what I want. You may not be able to feel my warmth, but,” Koujaku held Noiz’s hand and guided it to his face. “You can see me, right? You can hear me. I’m talking to you, Noiz.” He then guided Noiz’s hand to his chest. “Can you feel me touching you? I’m touching you, Noiz. Our skins are in contact with each other. I’m real.”

Koujaku then proceeded to hug Noiz tightly, breathing in the soft scent coming from his hair. Their chests were pressed flush against each other, and Noiz could clearly feel Koujaku’s heartbeat against his. He had never felt this alive in his entire life. Closing his eyes, he slowly indulged Koujaku’s scent as Koujaku stroked his hair. The comfortable silence broke when Noiz started pushing Koujaku’s chest. Koujaku lifted his body, but before he could have a good look at the younger man, Noiz wrapped his arms around Koujaku’s neck, pulled him back against him and pressed his lips against his. 

He pushed his tongue into Koujaku’s mouth with eagerness so fierce that Koujaku was lost for a few seconds, unable to respond to this sudden passion. But he was eventually able to reply enthusiastically by tangling their tongues together. He wrapped his arms around Noiz while they proceeded to kiss fiercely, wet sounds echoing across the room accompanied with occasional sound of metal clanking whenever Noiz’s tongue piercing hit Koujaku’s teeth. 

Koujaku felt his chest becoming warmer with every passing second as he felt Noiz’s carefully built emotional walls slowly starting to crumble. He tightened his grip around Noiz’s shoulders as he pressed their chests together once again, instantly feeling Noiz’s rapid heartbeats and his increased body warmth. He also felt Noiz’s raw emotions – those that he had been hiding from everyone else, and probably even himself. Pain pierced through Koujaku’s chest when he thought about what Noiz had possibly been through, and he deepened their kiss, pushing his tongue so deep into Noiz’s mouth and tasting every corner of it until both of them were out of breath.

As he ended their kiss, Koujaku looked into Noiz’s eyes, and was shocked by what he saw in them. Noiz stared at him with uncharacteristic warmth in his eyes, showing that same emotion that Koujaku could feel from him in waves now. But Koujaku knew that this was not the full extent of his emotions. Sure, Noiz had started to open up to him, but it was not enough. He was merely showing him the first layer of basic feelings every human being possessed – of vulnerability, of curiosity, of passion. But no, what Koujaku wanted to get out of Noiz today was more than that. He wanted to see him feeling _aroused_ ; he wanted to see him _yearning_ more of him, he wanted to bring out his _desire_. On top of all, he wanted Noiz to properly _feel_ how good it could be to be connected to another human being, both physically and mentally. 

Koujaku started pressing light kisses on Noiz’s neck, giving him sporadic nips as he moved down his chest. He trailed his tongue along Noiz’s chest until he reached the center of it, where an obvious deep cut of a fairly old, but still healing wound resided. He looked up at Noiz, just in time to catch his curious stare before he shyly looked away. Smiling lightly, Koujaku started licking the wound. He felt light taste of blood on the tip of his tongue, but it wasn’t too strong. He did that for a few more times until Noiz sat up suddenly and pushed Koujaku’s head away. 

“What?” 

“I want to do something too,” Noiz said as his eyes clouded with a new emotion, now slightly nearer to what Koujaku wanted to see.

Koujaku nodded and sat cross-legged, beckoning Noiz to sit on his lap. The moment Noiz was seated awkwardly on Koujaku’s lap, the older man started licking the wound on the left side of his chest, which was slightly newer than the one he had tasted minutes ago. Noiz shivered a bit upon feeling the light pressure and locked his gaze on Koujaku’s torso. He proceeded to stare at Koujaku’s tattoo curiously, before reaching out to trace it with his fingertips. Koujaku shuddered at the touch and froze for a moment.

Noiz noticed the change in Koujaku’s behavior but he had no intention to stop. He continued to touch the tattoo, trailing the complicated patterns with his fingers. Koujaku swallowed, letting out a soft sigh before starting to suck on one of Noiz’s wounds on his shoulder until he felt the taste of blood spreading in his mouth. _Damn._  

His erection grew hard as he tasted the new sensation. He continued sucking and licking on Noiz’s wound as Noiz ran his fingers across Koujaku’s tattoo until he reached the bottom, his hand now inches away from both of their erections. Without warning, Noiz grabbed both of their cocks together and started stroking. 

“—mph! Noiz!” 

Koujaku cried out at the sudden rush of pleasure. Noiz smirked in reaction and strengthened his grip. His strokes were inexperienced, but Koujaku felt his cock twitch the moment he caught a glimpse of Noiz’s eyes, which were now completely clouded with lust as he stared at both of their erections. He didn’t have the time to think much though, because Noiz’s grip on his cock was so hard that he felt his dick piercings sinking into his sensitive skin, causing him to fall deeper into the overwhelming pleasure. 

Noiz coated both of their cocks with the precum oozing out of Koujaku’s slit, and suddenly started to speed up his pumping. Breathing heavily, Koujaku grabbed Noiz’s hand. 

“Stop.” 

“Heh,” Noiz was still wearing a smirk but his face was flustered with a small blush. He removed his wet hand from their cocks, but before Koujaku could lift him off his lap, Noiz started licking his fingers. 

“Oi, what are you doing?” Koujaku shot him a shocked glare, but he felt his cock twitch at the same time at the sight of Noiz’s seductive action. 

Noiz licked away the last drop of precum off his fingers and moved his gaze back to Koujaku. “You taste bitter.” 

“Shut up, brat,” He moved his glare towards Noiz’s erection instead and immediately felt his ego crushing. The brat was only half hard. 

Koujaku felt the last bit of self-restraint leaving him. He wrapped his hands around Noiz’s waist and pulled him closer until their abdomens were pressed against each other. He trailed his hand up Noiz’s back, and when his fingertips came into contact with his nape piercings, he rubbed them while his other hand wrapped around the head of the cock, nails sinking into the slit. As Noiz gripped his shoulder to sustain his shudders, he reflexively reached out to his nipple and started to lick on it, biting it hard enough for Noiz to feel the pressure. Noiz cried out when Koujaku squeezed his erection harder and pushed his nail deeper into the slit at the same time. Sensing an opportunity, he immediately pulled Noiz’s head down and thrust his tongue inside his mouth, biting and pulling on his tongue piercing. 

Noiz’s reaction was immediate. Koujaku felt it when Noiz’s cock hardened in his hand and precum leaked from the slit and down the shaft, wetting his hand. After giving his cock a few rough pumps, Koujaku’s hands moved to Noiz’s lower body, spreading his ass cheeks apart and circling his damped finger around his opening. Since he expected to feel tightness around his finger, he was surprised to feel that Noiz was, in fact, quite loose. It suddenly occurred to him that perhaps Noiz was already used to sex, seeing the way he dealt with things, and this realization upset him. Noiz trembled upon feeling the foreign sensation inside him, looking down to see Koujaku eyeing him with a worried and complicated expression. 

“Feel like backing out?” Noiz asked teasingly. “Maybe you really should because –aaah!“ 

Koujaku scowled as he inserted his finger deep into Noiz, stopping Noiz’s words and making him moan instead. He thrust his tongue into the brat’s mouth again, paying extra attention to his piercing and giving it a harsh pull with his teeth, making Noiz jump. He quickly placed his hand on Noiz’s hip to stop him from falling over. 

He never gave Noiz enough time to recover from the electric shock running through the sensitive nerves of his tongue. His cock was leaking so much precum now that Koujaku could see its trail glistening on his abdomen in the dim moonlight. He pushed another finger into Noiz’s hole, scissoring him carefully until he felt Noiz’s entrance loosening even more. 

After a few moments, Koujaku pulled his fingers out and placed his cock against Noiz’s entrance instead, making Noiz moan softly as he saw the head of Koujaku’s dick touch his hole. He closed his eyes and waited, grabbing Koujaku’s shoulder hard. But a minute passed and nothing happened. He opened his eyes and saw Koujaku looking at him again with the same expression he wore just minutes ago. 

“Lost your stamina? Or your interest?” It sounded more like a mocking than a genuine question. 

Koujaku frowned at him but did not answer. Instead, he moved his hand over Noiz’s wound that he had accidentally hurt, gently caressing it with his fingertips. He suddenly felt insecure. His confidence went down drastically. He was not sure if what he was doing now was what Noiz wanted. Noiz stared at him for a few moments before he stopped him by placing his hand on Koujaku’s own. 

“I don’t need your pity. Rather,” Noiz lifted Koujaku’s hand and kissed the scarred knuckles. “I want you to tell me. Everything, and anything. Describe to me how it feels to be connected. I might not be able to feel everything but you can tell me. And that way, I can feel it too.”

The brat’s honest request sent a pang of sadness straight through Koujaku’s heart. It suddenly occurred to him that Noiz was indeed very young, in fact, _too young_. Feeling his resolve getting stronger again, he spread his legs further apart and started to slowly push his dick against Noiz’s entrance, and Noiz gripped Koujaku’s wrist in reaction. He stopped and stared at Noiz’s face again, whose expression was now a mix of anxiety and longing. 

Sensing Koujaku’s insecurity, Noiz reached up and traced the tattoo on his face with his fingers. He then gave him a light kiss on the lips, which immediately turned into rough bites. Koujaku cried out, almost removing himself from Noiz, but the brat pulled him back against him. Noiz’s aggressiveness did not stop there. He proceeded to give Koujaku’s shoulder another hard bite, his teeth breaking the skin and instantly feeling the taste of blood. Koujaku felt a strange mix of pleasure and pain when Noiz’s tongue piercing dug into his newly formed wound. Then, before he knew it, Noiz wrapped his hands around Koujaku’s neck, breathing heavily into Koujaku’s ear.

 

“ _Feel the pain for me, Koujaku_.”

 

Koujaku lost it there. He thrust hard into Noiz, feeling the warmth wrapping around his cock. Noiz’s nails sank into Koujaku’s back, and he cried out when he felt the intense pressure of Koujaku’s cock inside him. It took a few more rough thrusts for Koujaku to finally slow his pace down, and he observed Noiz’s pleasured expression as drops of sweat rolled down his face and chest. 

When Noiz managed to regain control of his breathing, he gave Koujaku a small smirk, staring at him with half-lidded eyes. Koujaku couldn’t help but find his expression sexy, especially given the situation they were currently in.

“….hey. Describe it to me. How does it feel, being inside of me?” 

Noiz’s voice was soft and hoarse at the same time, and it did its job. He felt Koujaku’s cock twitch inside him, and then he started to move his hips, following the rhythm of Koujaku’s thrusts. 

“I-It’s hot,”Koujaku panted, moving in and out of Noiz at a slow and steady pace.

“…and?” 

“….tight,” Koujaku’s voice was almost a whisper this time, but Noiz felt his carefully controlled passion as his thrusts picked up speed. 

“…a-and?” Noiz breathed heavily, pulling Koujaku’s head closer to his, their faces only inches apart.

Koujaku fastened his pace, hitting Noiz’s inner walls hard. Noiz felt the pleasure crashing on him, and Koujaku’s lustful eyes staring intensely into his made him feel as though his very soul was being fucked as well. 

“It feels good. Noiz, it feels good,” Koujaku moaned into Noiz’s ear, giving him instant chills from head to toe while he clung to Koujaku as if his life depended on it. “You are sucking me in so hard. It feels… so good.” 

Koujaku felt himself nearing the edge. He pushed his tongue into Noiz’s mouth, both movements of both his tongue and hips rough and strong. Noiz closed his eyes and moaned into Koujaku’s mouth, feeling his own precum wetting both of their stomachs as his cock rubbed against Koujaku’s abdomen. 

One bite of his tongue followed by another rough pull of his tongue piercing was all it took for Noiz to come, and after that, he felt warm liquid spill deep inside him before he lost his consciousness.

 

* * *

 

Noiz woke up to the smell of cigarettes. Frowning, he opened his eyes to see Koujaku lounging shirtless on the bed next to him. He was perplexed when he realized that not only was he lying on Koujaku’s bed, but he was also _hugging_ him. Koujaku looked at him when he realized he was awake and looked away almost immediately when their eyes met.

Finishing his cigarette, Koujaku wrapped his arms around Noiz and pulled him closer. Noiz sank further into his embrace as he rested his head on the older man’s lap.

“We are going to the hospital tomorrow,” Koujaku announced. 

“Why didn’t you bring me there in the first place?” 

“I didn’t want to spend money on you,” Koujaku replied, earning a frown from Noiz. “…but I guess it’s fine now.” 

“…..I’ve got money.” 

“Shut up, brat.” 

The situation they were in was weird. Their whole relationship was far from normal. But they were happy, because they made each other feel alive like no one else could. 

They would eventually work things out. But…

 

_One week later_

 

“I thought you learned your lesson. Look at the mess you got yourself into. If Aoba didn’t nag me about it, I wouldn’t bother to even look at you.” 

“You didn’t have to come.” Noiz responded lazily. 

“What?” 

“I said you didn’t have to come.” 

Koujaku’s scowl deepened. In the next second, he was climbing on top of Noiz, both hands pressing hard on Noiz’s shoulders. They stared into each other’s eyes with intensity, then… 

“Shut up, brat.” 

And that was the last sentence Noiz heard before he felt Koujaku's tongue intertwine with his. 

When their lips separated, Koujaku shot Noiz a furious glare as Noiz stared at him with an almost unconcerned expression.

“How the hell did I end up in this situation?” Koujaku complained.

“That’s my line.” 

“I hate you so much, brat.” 

“Same here.”

 

Yeah. They worked out their relationship just fine.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've also written a sequel for this fic. Do have a read if you're interested :)
> 
>  
> 
> [Pain Prescription](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1104761)


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